“I don’t want kids.”
I’ve noticed this sentiment in a few of my peers, and weaved into our culture, I wanted to go over some of the “probably causes” for why you, or anyone, might not want children (other than birth pains and college tuition)…
1. Children may have been presented to you as an inferior goal:
You may be buying into the lie that you want to pursue career over having children, the lie being first that the two are mutually exclusive, or at odds with each other, the second being that a career is anything worth pursuing, which statistically is greatly inaccurate. Not just do careers not provide the feelings generativity that having a family brings, or have an effect on happiness or on the standard of living past a little over the average wage, but having a career is a rarity: most all people have jobs. Most all people have dead end jobs. The idea that you should forsake one of the only things that make people with good perspective happy in order to get what is statistically a dead end job that gives you no advantage in your standard of living and does not make you happy is very, very silly.
2. You dislike children because they are weak, helpless, and pathetic:
They think too much of themselves, they are in constant need for others. This annoys you.
When you see someone weaker than you, you can respond in one of two ways, compassion, or competition:
When you see someone that is pathetic, if you yourself are pathetic, the sound of their helplessness is going to ring in you, and you are going to be agitated. This is why you might get angry at people on street corners, you feel offended by their failure: people are often smaller inside than they seem. We’re all so insecure, but we have no right to be.
If you are helpless, you will see kids as competition, because your worldview is that
affection, favor, happiness, the fulfillment of physical needs, all of this is limited, and you must compete, like the Hunger Games, murdering someone else for your own survival.
If you are inconvenienced by the helpless it is because you feel that you yourself are helpless, which is a stark untruth. This is why I’m always going on about being a victor; you choose either to be created by life’s misfortunes, or the creator of life itself. And that sentence works two ways in this subject.
3. You may have a fundamental conflict with responsibility.
Making another human is one of the greater, probably the greatest responsibilities in our lives. It’s no secret both men and women of the last few centuries have been looking for ways out of responsibility, no matter how miserable this fleeing makes them. Abortions, fatherlessness, cohabitation; these are examples of fundamental, primal avoidances of responsibility. And ultimately I believe this comes from a variety of causes, including society’s disconnect with purpose, and not wanting to perpetuate current or familial norms. Another reason people want to avoid responsibility is the commitment: you have children when you get married, and have healthy relationships, and are stable; a lot of people avoid this type of upward-mobility, and it is romanticized to be a. promiscuous outside of marriage, b. financially and emotionally unstable, and c. uncommitted to any positive structure or identity, to this end, romanticizing childlessness, which is insane to me. But the main reason I believe people avoid responsibility is my next point:
4. You do not want to replicate yourself.
Children and reproduction are deeply rooted in creating a legacy, and perpetuating ones own “kingdom,” so to speak. When we do not see our value we do not dream, create, or help people because we do not care to, because we do not see ourselves as valuable and therefore do not, in a way, have “time” to worry about others. In this way, selflessness can be the quickest way to utter narcissism. Most that create, create for themselves, or simply are reproducing what others have built, this is why original thought and unique people are so rare. In truth we really are all unique, we just don’t act like it.
With that in mind, why would we want to reproduce ourselves? Just to create something
that has no value, it would be an irrational thing to do. This has a lot of angles,
a. We don’t want a mirror of ourselves to look in,
b. We do not feel as if what we have to offer the world is valuable.
c. We do not have anything at all to pass on.
d. We feel apathetic for the future because we are hopeless.
e. The “kingdom,” or legacy we have made is “bad” (we have “failed”), and we believe all we can create, and thus are, is evil.
No one truly hates responsibility, they hate doing things that mean nothing. Anyone would work a data entry job for the president, or a king for a million dollars an hour, and no one would like an unpaid data entry job for a paper company (unless it is Dunder Mifflin). We crave the reward, the thrill of doing something that matters. We crave responsibility, we’re not meant to live as parasites like we often do. Responsibility is simply creating something, and do say we do not want responsibility is to say we do not want to create, and we do not want to create because we cannot create anything good.
Responsibility is simply creating something, and do say we do not want responsibility is to say we do not want to create, and we do not want to create because we cannot create anything good.
This is a veiled form of pride: refusing to contribute because of the negative aspects of our human condition. True goodness is in compassion, and compassion in helping others: if we are too busy hating ourselves to care about the future generations or anyone other than ourselves, we need to reevaluate our priorities.
If you do not want to do good, it is because you do not want to make the world a better place.
5. You may hate yourself… as a child:
You may hate who you were as a child, or your “inner child,” so to speak, or your past: that could mean you have a negative relationship with your inner dreams, aspirations, sense of freedom, or joy, which all is, in essence, your “inner child.” It could also mean your literal childhood, meaning you feel regret, shame, trauma, or unforgiveness towards yourself or someone else from your years growing up, anywhere from a toddler to a developing young adult. Your insecurities are projected onto others, breeding toxicity in how you see children, and childlikeness in yourself and others.
Bonus Reason 6: You really do want children
You probably think you don’t because you are feeding this hunger in another way through preoccupation with a useless and over-involved job, or person to person unhealthy or abusive relations, or “love” from other sources, like this video by Gavin Mcinnes notes [I do not endorse the cleanliness or fullness of this content]
Those are some aspects of reasons that I just initially saw, one, none, or all may apply to you. This is a hard hitting topic, and I hope you could still derive something from this. Now you may after all desire to have kids. I would say that’s a good thing, but however you feel, I want you to understand where your feelings are coming from. That is the essence of self-awareness, as I see it.
We have the finest ingrown tool at making our name last forever; changing the world in a lasting way; this is the answer to the hungering of all those poets and warriors crying out “who lives who dies who tells your story?”
A world of childlessness is a world where we intentionally choose to perpetuate death and destruction out of our fears and insecurities. This doesn’t just apply to children, but your attitude toward life in general: not just physical children, but creating a legacy, making a real unique impact, and living originally. Living unoriginally, ephemerally, childlessly is ending your name, ending your life, and giving up.
At the end of our lives, lying on the pillow of transience, we will either hold peace or regret by what we have created: life or death.
Be pro-life with me.
Please ask questions for the next post.
Probable influences (I neither endorse nor condemn these sources):